9 Ways to Become a Better Mom in 2019

Being a parent is one of the hardest of the hard jobs. Don’t get me wrong, I know that being a surgeon is hard. My husband is amazing. But even HE routinely tells me that he could never do the work of a stay at home parent.

Somedays I wonder if I’m cut out for it, myself.

The truth is, I don’t write a lot about actual parenting because… I don’t feel greaaat at it.

Actually, my honest-to-goodness feeling is a little more dramatic than that.

I feel like a TERRIBLE, HORRIBLE, NO GOOD, VERY BAD MOM most days.

(Ever read “Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day?”)

But I shouldn’t, and you shouldn’t. You are doing great. And maybe I am, too. However, reminding myself of this is a daily battle…sometimes minute by minute. If you want to read more about my struggles in motherhood, check out my post In the Thick of It: One Mom’s Search for Gratitude.

All that being said, lately, I’ve been doing some things that leave me feeling sliiiiightly better about mommyhood. Maybe it’s the fact that I’m getting more than 4 hours of uninterrupted sleep (most nights). Or maybe it’s that my children are getting a little older every day, and a teensy weensy bit more manageable. But whatever the cause, the fact is, I’ve started taking better care of myself.

So, maybe you can join me in trying some of the following ideas to help 2019 be an incredible year for your mom-life!

1. Stop beating yourself up.

Anyone else need to hear this? I have the WORST mom guilt about everything I am or am not doing with our children. Should they be fluent in at least one other language by now? Or, like, I haven’t even TRIED to see if they could be a child prodigy at the piano or violin or ANY instrument at all? They still can’t ride a bike or swim independently or even do a real freaking jumping jack.

When you’re in survival mode, it’s hard to keep up with all of these things you just might be doing if you had one kid, no job, and an army of family members lining up to assist. (Even then it would still it probably be hard). That’s just not reality for my family. I try to instead remind myself of the things I AM doing that are beneficial to them. They have taken swim lessons and gymnastics. They HAVE bikes. But it is impossible to be on top everything that I see other moms doing that I’d like for my children to be trying.

But see, it’s okay, because this is our story. And later, I will never regret what I did now because I will remind myself that during this time, I was doing the very best that I could. See, I put that in writing here. #readthisin10years

2. Go to bed on time.

Life is harder with less sleep. I am a MAJOR night owl. But after staying up late, my patience is thin. I’m not as sharp. Definitely less tolerant. So, practicing self-discipline to go to bed before 11 (yes, that’s early for me. When I say night owl, I mean that it’s not unusual for me to go to bed at 12 or 1 on a Tuesday, like a crazy person). I NEVER regret an earlier bedtime. And my kids are always quite pleased when I can be a little more sunny at 7am. Plus, it’s better for your body and your mental health!

3. Go to therapy.

This may seem harsh if you’ve never gone before, but the world would be a better place if we all did this for ourselves. Last year, I was having some mommy meltdowns. If my hubby was still at work during the bath/bedtime routine, I would literally watch every minute tick away on my watch, just waiting on my husband to walk in the door in order to get some relief. He’s a surgeon. He’s busy. I had two very small kids. I needed help. He couldn’t help me in the way I needed, so I was left at home to fend off the wild animals alone.

Fortunately, I have two besties that are marriage and family therapists, and they encouraged me to talk about the way I was feeling to someone else. I went, TWICE, and it really changed me.  I felt like I was failing at everything, as well as failing everyone around me. She reminded me that my kids are happy and healthy and safe and loved. And she encouraged me to find ways to support myself, so that I could better support those that depended on me. I listened. I got help for a while, in the form of fabulous babysitters. But I needed that push from someone else because it’s very, very, VERY hard for me to admit I need help. So, ultimately, that $200 I spent on therapy was well worth a complete shift in the way I evaluated my parenting. And perhaps it would be for you, too, if you are similarly struggling.

4. Get a regular babysitter.

Some of the happiest moms I know are those that have 1. Jesus and 2. Babysitters. It’s likely that a lot of moms don’t get out simply because they can’t afford a babysitter. It IS expensive. But my conclusion is that if you look at the price of having a sitter as mental health payment, it makes so much more sense. You’re investing in your sanity. Every minute you get away to do YOU, is one worth investing in. It is, after all, cheaper than the therapy option above. (But do both, if you can!)

Even one morning a week should get you out to do something, and you can still be back to give your kids lunch and put them down for naps. During my most difficult mommy months, I had a babysitter 3 mornings a week because I was DROWNING. Anyway…consider it! And don’t let anyone make you feel guilty.

5. Say yes when someone offers to help.

When people ask to help you, STOP SAYING NO. Seriously. Why WOULDN’T you take advantage of assistance that is offered when you are drowning in a pool of poopy diapers and sad, sad mom tears and someone else offers to take your kids for a bit, or bring you a meal? Okay, I know why. It’s hard to accept help. It makes you feel like you can’t do it all. Listen, we all know you CAN do it all. If you have to. But accepting help, just may mean the difference in SURVIVING or THRIVING for your family. Be closer to “thriving” if you can, right?! More on than another day.

6. Make gifts count.

Here, I’m actually talking about the ones you GET.

I don’t know about you, but when we were in the midst of training and living off a resident’s salary, I quickly realized that there were some self-care things I could have benefitted from and couldn’t afford. So, at that time, I became bold enough to ask for what I wanted for my birthdays and Christmas and Mother’s Day.

When mom-life is tough, I try to really analyze how I’m feeling and what I think I need in order to recharge. Sometimes, it’s a massage. Sometimes, it’s a cup of coffee, ALONE, in an actual coffee shop. Sometimes, it’s a whole darn day without a care in the world, or even, *hold the phone,* a weekend getaway with my besties. So, if people are scrambling, trying to figure out what to get you anyway, why not put a little birdy in their ear and let them know what you really need to take care of yourself?

7. Get a hobby.

“You were someone before you were their mom, and that person matters.”

– mother.ly, via Instagram

This quote by @mother.ly on Instagram struck me the other day. I’m weaning right now and my emotions are currently stringing me along on a terrifying roller coaster, but this has me teary.

When you have 3 kids back to back…actually, scratch that…when you have even ONE kid, you invest so much into that other tiny person that you feel selfish remembering who you are and investing in that person. But we all need to be doing something for us. We can’t give and give and give, and then still expect to have even a morsel of patience left in the tank when our kid smashes goldfish crackers into our carpets for the umpteenth time.

You NEED to remember who you were. Explore whatever your interests were prior to kids. Something that makes you feel like you. I have a friend who has three kids that takes piano lessons once a week. Another friend with kids likes to write and takes workshops. If you like running, sign up for a race already and do it! I just did that, myself. Whatever it is, your whole family will benefit from you investing in yourself, even if the logistics are tricky.

8. Read books that will give you parenting confidence.

This year, it is a goal of mine to squeeze in some reading for the benefit of my children (and for me, at times). It’s ambitious, yes. My three kids (the oldest is 4) are at a great age for me to really dig into emotion coaching, supporting their interests, desires, and who they are as people individually. It’s tempting to lump their natures into the same bucket; parenting them the same way I do their siblings. But they are such unique little beings, and I desperately want to do right by their sweet, individual souls.

I’ve started a lot of these books, but as of yet, have finished none of them. Hopefully at the end of 2019, I can give you my honest reviews on them all. They all come highly recommended to me by a variety of medical sources.

Loving the Little Years: Motherhood in the Trenches by Rachel Jankovic

Raising an Emotionally intelligent Child by Ph.D. John Gottman & Joan Declaire

Parenting the Strong-Willed Child: The Clinically Proven Five-Week Program for Parents of Two- to Six-Year-Olds, Third Edition by Rex Forehand & Nicholas Long

1-2-3 Magic: 3-Step Discipline for Calm, Effective, and Happy Parenting by Thomas Phelan

Parenting: 14 Gospel Principles That Can Radically Change Your Family by Paul David Tripp

For me, I’m reading:

Girl, Wash Your Face by Rachel Hollis

and

The Road Back to You: An Enneagram Journey to Self-Discovery by Ian Morgan Cron & Suzanne Stabile

I can’t wait to work through these! If you’ve read any, let me know what you think I should start with!

9. Invest in your faith.

Personally, faith is the biggest factor in the heart changes I need in order to be good to my family. During the infant days, I was so exhausted and just a mom-zombie with waaaay too much to do already, that, I unfortunately struggled with creating daily habits that supported the growth of my relationship with God, (other than attending church each week). Maybe you’ve struggled similarly and need encouragement or accountability? Maybe you’ve never BEEN close to God or in touch with your spiritual side? Perhaps this is the time to explore that! I truly believe, with all my heart, that this is the most important step you can take for yourself and for your family.

This year, I have been making some big changes to prioritize my faith. I ambitiously joined TWO Bible studies. One is through our church with some incredible new friends, and the other is an international Bible Study which takes place in many cities, called “Bible Study Fellowship.” Bible Study Fellowship is a weekly study with chapters all over, so check it out HERE to see if there’s one near you! Awesome-ly, the chapter in my city just began having childcare this year. It’s all free. So I can go learn and fellowship, while my kids are hearing how much God loves them from their loving teachers.

When joining two Bible studies, I was concerned with how I would come up with the time to do the homework required. But somehow, I have always made the time and have been prepared. Strangely, I have never felt like I didn’t get something else done because of the time I spend in my lessons and with God. What a blessing!

Speaking of Bible Studies, there’s a couple of other groups that have childcare that you should know about!

One that has chapters in many cities is Community Bible Study, which you can check out HERE. One of my best friends goes and loves it.

Additionally, during my husband’s fellowship in Rochester, Minnesota, I joined Side-by-Side (a Bible Study specifically for the women who are married to men in medicine). It was incredible. Everyone was a part of the same walk, and so supportive. Check HERE to see if there’s a chapter in your city!

Local churches often host groups like MOPs, and are usually open to anyone in the community, which are worth looking into as well.

Through my weekly studies, I am grateful to be constantly reminded of God’s grace, love, patience, and peace; all qualities I pray to in turn give to my children through my parenting.

And one last note here: later this year, it’s a goal of mine to start singing with the worship team at church again. I’m excited to see what’s ahead! If you have any gifts that have been hiding away, just know they are valuable!

💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗

So join me in taking steps to letting the AWESOME mom you are really shine this year. (And if you screw up a lot, that’s okay, too).

Tons and tons of love to all of you hard-working mamas out there!

For more on my daily life, check out my Instagram or Facebook! I’d love, LOVE to see you there, sweet friends!!!

Very soon, I’ll be back with an EPIC ANNOUNCEMENT. (In my life). This. is. MAJOR. Can’t wait to see you there.

All the love to YOU! XO! ❤️❤️

Honestly,

– AM 🙂 ❤️

More About Me: Hi! I’m Ann Marie, a blogging mama of 3 tiny gals, and a wife to a busy Orthopedic Surgeon. You can find me right here for a weekly smattering of inspiration for your motherhood journey, home, marriage (I see you other medical wives!), style, and beauty. You’ll find me most active on Instagram or Facebook for life between blog posts. And I truly can’t wait to see you there, friend. ❤️💋

To connect, shoot me an email at honestlyannmarie@gmail.com ❤️