Why I Don’t Want My Old “Normal” Back

I can see only a sliver of my oldest’s room from where I sit, but it’s enough. It’s enough to see my two biggest girls, sharing a Polly Pocket (FOR ONCE), and creating an imaginary world with their game that consists of pets and owners and dance parties. Through this made-up world before them, they don’t know, can’t see, the bigger picture, this bigger world they’ve created, where they now know how to co-exist. The battles are fewer. The demonstrations of concern for each other are greater. The comments that acknowledge each other’s likes and dislikes catch me by surprise.

The blessings in disguise, like this one, haven’t gone unnoticed within these walls.

But for days, WEEKS, even, I have been counting down the moments until this will end, even with the blessings and all.

I’ve longed for my “new normal” to look a whole lot more like my “old normal.” The world where I get breaks from these tiny people ravaging my house and eating 37 meals per day. I long for my own space, especially when it feels like most of the time they can’t even PLAY without my uninterrupted assistance and they need to change their socks (again) but don’t want to do it alone, and they can’t find their stickers and could I please make them another fort…and…

Mama needs a break.

Let me say it again.

MAMA. NEEDS. A. BREAK.

And it seems others do too, judging by the response to my latest Instagram post (click HERE).

So it, well, it makes sense that we want our old routines back. The ones where our little people get education from the trained professionals in person and get to participate in enriching programs and sports. And we, in turn, get breaks from at least some of the demanding people in our home some of the time. We may be feeling like we could really use parts of that old routine where maybe we get to hit up the gym or where Dad can take them to the McDonald’s play area without us when we’re feeling overwhelmed.

This mindset, the “we will survive this until we can reclaim our lives” mindset, though not particularly positive, but not without hope and purpose, has been mine for the last few weeks.

Why I Don’t Want My Old Normal Back

This week, however, I’ve been doing some reflection. I’ve been hearing a message, repeatedly, in different ways (you know, the way that you REALLY know it’s for you). Certain parts just keep sticking with me, lingering over my shoulder, surprising me around corners, you know. Over and over the message plays through my mind.

In a sermon I recently listened to from the pastor of our previous church, Richard Dalstrom, (listen to the full sermon HERE), he talked about patterns in life. Life is naturally filled with periods of order, then disorder, then reorder. And to get to a point of “reorder,” we must experience periods of disorder, often in the form of suffering trials. This time, this weird coronavirus quarantine time, can most certainly be considered a period of disorder. Everything is changing. Everything feels out of order. We feel out of control.

And as much as we DON’T WANT and DIDN’T ASK FOR any of this, but are forced to endure…these times, these periods of disorder, are how we change. They’re how we grow. We don’t become different, better, stronger during the easy, breezy days. When tested this way, we are confronted by having to re-evaluate. “Our senses are attuned differently,” says Dalstrom. This time can give us an opportunity to reassess our values and for God to make us new. But we have to let Him.

So what are your senses picking up on these days?

To be honest, at this moment, I don’t fully know what my reorder is going to look like.

But I know that I don’t want to snap my fingers and be my old self with my old life again.

I also don’t have the capacity to “DO” a whole lot more than what I’m doing right now, to help this “reorder” process along. But what I DO know, it’s that I’m looking for the lessons. I’m listening. I’m keenly aware that change is possible within me and that God can and will use this time for a greater purpose.

I have already begun noticing and developed gratitude for the little blessings among these days, but I know, I KNOW, there’s more.

When our next “normal” starts to look, once again, like the “old normal,” I want to draw from the lessons of these days. I want to meet the next normal with the qualities of my new, improved self.

So I want to challenge you, as I am also being challenged.

Evaluate what you will take with you from these days.

And maybe all of us will be changed; will be new and improved, when our next “normal” is among us.

Honestly,

AM ❤️

All photo credit to the talented Katie Kolbrick Photography

More About Me: Hi! I’m Ann Marie, a blogging mama of 3 tiny gals, and a wife to a busy Orthopedic Surgeon. You can find me right here for a weekly smattering of inspiration for your motherhood journey, home, marriage (I see you other medical wives!), style, and beauty. You’ll find me most active on Instagram or Facebook for life between blog posts. And I truly can’t wait to see you there, friend. ❤️💋

To connect, shoot me an email at honestlyannmarie@gmail.com ❤️