10 Ways to Become a Better Mom in 2020!

Husband: “What time did you make it to bed last night?”

Me: “…” 

Husband: “?”

Me again: “Ummm…”

Me again: “I think it was…2:00ish?” 

I struggle, friends.

__________________

Good: Goals.

Less Good: Unhealthy, unbalanced pursuit of them.

__________________

This is a new year. It’s YOUR year. OUR year.

I’m not big on New Year’s resolutions, per se, but I AM big (okay, that’s a MAJOR understatement) on goal-setting throughout the year.

(Well, constantly, if you must know).

Without goals, our momentum dies. And I don’t know about you, but when I’m not laser-focused on my goals, gluttony rears its ugly head and stays for a while, in multiple forms. (Primarily, I stop caring for myself in oh, so many ways).

But motherhood, it’s…hard. It’s difficult to embrace goals. Each stage of motherhood has carried, for me, a unique perspective on goals and my capability to pursue them. For example, on Instagram recently, I talked about how when I was early in motherhood, I remembered that I had what felt like 2 goals per day and they included not answering the door with a breast pump on (I didn’t have one of those handy-dandy concealed ones) – and making a conscious effort to remember to eat some food (because not all of my calories should come from Dr. Pepper, right)? (And for those of you wondering about my pumping gear – check out this post: Make Pumping Suck Less.)

The rest of my goals came and went in waves and were something like this:

-Brushing teeth: optional

-Putting on makeup: possibly (only because I realllllly like makeup)

-Cleaning the house: unlikely

-Preparing any food other than food for kids: nope

-Putting on pants before leaving the house: solid maybe

If you’re in this stage, my best advice is to give yourself a massive break and focus solely on the goals of surviving with children.

But when you find yourself coming out of “survival-mode” for just a hot-minute, take a breath, and then look forward.

I found myself in that place last year at this time. I was finally about to remove my head from the newborn-fog, and able to look onward for myself and my family. To the new. To the next.

_________

My Primary Goal for 2020

My overarching goal for myself this year, is to meet a healthy potential.

Ya’ll, I struggle with healthy balance. Sometimes I get so excited about a project that I do it all. the. time. (Every possible non-mommying moment). I will neglect myself and my needs in favor of pursuing some “right-now” sort of dream. Cue the texts about when I went to bed from my husband.

My goal is to do my best, while also making balanced choices: choices that support my personal growth, but also accurately portray and support my priorities. And to make sure this is happening, you know, the part where I have my priorities in order, I truly have to sit down, make a list, and evaluate it.

I’m sharing my list this year. Right here, right now. Maybe you can take a few of these and apply them.

Get that momentum going. Find your healthy potential, too.

10 Ways to Become a Better Mom in 2020

1. Above all, grace.

The pursuit of excellence is one filled with failures along the way. Better ability to accept, learn from, and move forward from those failures, in motherhood, your personal endeavors, your relationships, etc, reduces stress and makes the journey more enjoyable.

It also makes us better at extending grace when others fail us.

I want to better forgive myself when I fail myself and others. This past year, I was (openly) too hard on myself each time I didn’t meet a goal, and this year, I’m giving myself grace. I want to keep my standards high, without beating myself up when I give my best but it still feels like it isn’t good enough.

2. Prioritize self-care and time for re-energizing.

Making self-care a priority this year will do you good, mama.

You’ve heard it over and over, but caring for yourself IS caring for your sweet little fam. But it requires WORK to do that, I know this. You have to find child care, change your schedule, set aside maybe some $$ (though not all self-care costs money, of course). I KNOW it’s not easy. But it’s worth it.

And while we’re on the topic, I just want to offer a friendly reminder that everyone’s version of self-care looks different. So figure out what best appeals to you, and make it happen. Use a little trial and error. Make a spreadsheet. Consult with people who know you best. Do whatever you need to do to figure out your, specific needs. But don’t overlook them.

3. Avoid comparing your journey to that of others.

I’ve heard it said that “comparison is the enemy of contentment.”

Do you. And only you.

Mommy wars are maddeningly real. Everyone has an opinion that they’re not afraid to share, and sometimes the things we see and hear are guilt-inducing or make us feel judged as parents.

You are an amazing mom. You are the best mom for your kids. Believe that.

No one else knows what your kids are like or what goes on within the walls of your home like you do. The better you know yourself, and the more confidence you gain in the belief that you are doing the best you can and it’s working, the less and less those messages will infiltrate (and do damage) within your sleep-deprived mommy-mind.

Put on those blinders and move full steam ahead.

4. Pursue self-discovery.

My life was changed when I learned about myself this year. I figured out who I was as an individual, which helped me better understand who I was as a mother, wife, and friend. For me, The Enneagram was that tool for self-discovery and I cannot recommend it more highly.

Figure out your Enneagram number – all of the instructions are here in this post: The Enneagram for Beginners (& Why You Should Learn Your Type!) and then listen to your song from Sleeping at Last and then read, read, read and apply it as a tool for transformation in your life. You won’t regret it.

5. Simplify the jobs you dislike.

We are all made so vastly different, and with different strengths, weaknesses, and preferences. Sometimes a one-time investment in time can make those jobs you dread a little bit easier, and it’s worth it.

Maybe for you its laundry. A friend of mine made an adjustment to doing laundry daily (instead of weekly) and is so much happier with her new routine. You could also try using baskets to presort your laundry, for example.

For me, its cooking and grocery shopping. Oh, I despise it. But this year, I discovered Clicklist, which has eliminated my grocery shopping woes. I also started doing more crockpot meals and recently got an InstaPot to help keep things simple on the meal-prep front. 

Think about what your least-favorite jobs are, and figure out some hacks. You’ll be happy you invested the time and resources, and ultimately be a happier mama.

6. Get help.

Help can be so necessary and can come in many forms, but it so. hard. to ask for and accept.

Here are some ideas:

• Say yes when family or friends offer to give you a break.
• Get therapy for yourself. I did this recently and it changed my whole outlook on motherhood, just to have a therapist reassure me that the difficult emotions and thoughts I was navigating through about mom-life were valid and normal.
• Get your child help. Maybe your child has a specific struggle that is making his/her life hard (and subsequently yours). This year, we sought help for one of our little ones who was experiencing major anxiety, and it made a huge difference for all of us.
• Hire a babysitter. Everyone is different in the time they need to recharge away from their kids (and also get things done!) Make a budget to help you get what you need, whether you’re a working mom or a stay-at-home mom. Working moms can’t be expected to work all of the time, either. For me, I’ve found that two afternoons and one morning a week gives me enough time to miss my kids and get household management duties and personal endeavor tasks completed. It is not lost on me that this is a luxury. But using our resources in this way have proved to be well-worth it for us.
• Enroll your kids in affordable programs that will benefit you all. I was able to find a Mom’s Day Out program in my area which is an enriching experience for my kids, and also gives me an affordable, meaningful break. See what your area has to offer! MOPS and other Bible Study or similar groups often have associated childcare, which is a way to feed your spirit and get a mom-break simultaneously.

7. Connect with your spouse.

Been overlooking those date nights lately? If I had to guess, I’d say if you have been, you notice.

Becoming a mom inevitably changes your relationship with your spouse. It’s now not as easy to take last-minute weekend trips, or schedule a long dinner to reconnect, or even have a lengthy conversation in general.

You have to truly prioritize these moments in order to make them happen. We prefer date nights every other week, and fit in some “mini” dates on evenings my husband gets off work early (which is rare). Some other little ways to connect that may work for you include going to bed at the same time, having phone conversations during one of your commutes daily, text throughout the day when possible, do a couple’s bible study together, etc.

8. Educate yourself.

We can (and should) all be learners for our whole lives. There is so much to learn about the world, and so much potential within ourselves, that even committing to learning more about a few topics this year could make you a better mom and human.

So, pick up a book, or tune in to a podcast, or take an evening class at the community college, or sign up for an online course on a topic you have always been passionate about but don’t know enough about.

This year, I’ve been learning all about blogging (for obvious reasons), but also photography, interior design, beauty, and I’ve considered taking classes for all of these things. I’m reading books about parenting and helping my child with her anxiety. NPR has some great educational podcasts (my fav of which is Radiolab) on a variety of topics. Committing to education leads to some great conversations with my friends and my husband and leads to some great ideas to share with you all, as well.

9. Engage in your hobbies.

“You were a person before you were a mom and that person matters.” – mother.ly

That person matter so, so much.

This quote really resonated with me this past year, leading me to tap back into that person. That person with talents that were accumulating dust. That person with dreams that were lazily sitting by, occasionally shooting a disappointed look my way.

Maybe you’ve forgotten a piece of who you were, because you feel like someone new now. There are, in fact, probably many new things in your life.

But you are still you. And you still have your own talents, abilities, and dreams, *gasp*, apart from your role as mother. Neglecting them is denying yourself of truly living into your new life and role as mother, because we are better when we bring our passions into the lives of our loved ones. Neglecting them may be something you end up later regretting, as I’ve heard from mom’s further along in their journeys.

Personally, I tapped back in to several talents and hobbies of mine this year. And it feels good. So good. I started guitar lessons. I returned to leading worship at church (sans guitar because I’m still quite terrible). I ran a half marathon.

Do things that make you feel like the you that you were and always have been.

10. Cultivate your spiritual and emotional growth.

There are so many ways (and again, the way that’s best for you will depend on your personality type), but if you feel like you’ve become a shell of yourself, it’s time to go deeper and figure out why.

-Get a mindfulness app. I’ve heard good things about Headspace, Calm, and Waking Up (all have free trials).

-Start listening to a podcast that helps you go deeper in your faith. I personally love “Cultivate What Matters,” “Risen Motherhood,” and “Don’t Mom Alone.”

-Join a Bible Study.

-Prioritize quiet time.

-Commit to journaling.

-Read a self-help book.

Even if you only have a few minutes a day, it will make a difference.

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One last thought for today, friends.

This list is not meant to bring you a feeling of guilt, or sense that you’re not doing enough. Please, please don’t compare your current status or aspirations to mine or to any other mama. It’s meant as an idea-generator. An encouragement. An inspiration.

My biggest, brightest wish for you this year is, like my goal for myself, to meet YOUR healthy potential, whatever that is. And for some of you, that may be just getting all of those teeth brushed daily.

And I’ll be cheering you on all the way. 🎉

Honestly,

AM ❤️💋

Lastly, I must share that I have a HUGE, MASSIVE announcement coming up. So stick with me –

it’s going to be EXCITING.

More About Me: Hi! I’m Ann Marie, a blogging mama of 3 tiny gals, and a wife to a busy Orthopedic Surgeon. You can find me right here for a weekly smattering of inspiration for your motherhood journey, home, marriage (I see you other medical wives!), style, and beauty. You’ll find me most active on Instagram or Facebook for life between blog posts. And I truly can’t wait to see you there, friend. ❤️💋

To connect, shoot me an email at honestlyannmarie@gmail.com ❤️