“In The Thick of It”: One Mom’s Search for Gratitude

Friends. Before I start, there’s something we need to discuss. It’s going to come up again, surely not just today. Please understand, when writing to you all, that I AM FULLY AWARE, *cringe,* that I come from a place of privilege in life. It’s a fact. I am a white, healthy, Christian, straight, educated chick who is married to a surgeon, born and living in the United States. All of these qualities, some which are out of my control, do not put me at risk for oppression within our society on top of the difficulties I face each day. I want to acknowledge this, while at the same time, not minimize anyone’s suffering…whether that’s the person experiencing socioeconomic oppression, or the mom dealing with the day in and day out of a chronic toy tossing problem with their toddler. Regardless of who we are, or where we come from, we are similar in that we encounter struggles, however significant or insignificant they appear to others. And similarly, we’d like to make and raise tiny humans that grow to make this world a better place for every individual; one with less struggles for all.

Thanks for hearing me out on that.

And on to today’s search for gratitude:

WELL, unfortunately, this isn’t a happy story about how life is great, the kids are great, and the family is great. So if that’s what you need right now, you won’t find it here. Sorry (-ish).

This is a story about suffering.

Honestly, I feel validated when other people describe this stage that I’m currently in, the one with three kids aged 4 and under, as being “in the thick of it.” It feels like they understand. They GET why I can’t volunteer at every opportunity, or show up to dinners scheduled at 6:30, or text them back right away even though they’ve seen that darn “read” receipt (yes, I know I can turn this off. And I should. I really, really should). They GET why I can stay caught up on “Making a Murderer,” but don’t have any milk in my fridge. Because when you’re “in the thick of it,” it’s about survival. There are moments, glimpses of good times, but it’s not fun.

So when thinking of my personal gratitude, and how it relates to motherhood right now, being grateful is just not as easy as I want it to be. In fact, my first response is to say that motherhood right now is not just “not easy,” it’s suffering. A lot of it these days.

As I said in my disclaimer, I know I am exceptionally fortunate to live a life of privilege. I feel like we can’t possibly understand all types of suffering unless we’ve experienced it, and there are so, so many types in this world. To say there’s a LOT I don’t know about suffering is a vast understatement. And I am tremendously grateful for that.

But I do know about suffering as it relates to parenting a strong-willed child, and several young children at once.

All parents suffer. It’s a spectrum; a continuum. Some suffer more or less than others, but we all suffer, and it’s human nature to resist suffering at any level of severity. Some parents deal with kids who are face scratchers/professional screamers like mine, other parents shoulder the enormous responsibility of raising a child with chronic physical or intellectual impairments. Some parents have kids who are actually quite easy and delightful, but in their child’s difficult moments, parents feel that they are suffering tremendously because it’s all they know. And they ARE suffering. It’s so relative. But valid.

I keep thinking about Paul. Paul who says to take joy in suffering (James 1:2-3: “…Count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience…”). Oh, Paul. How dare you. BUT…as much as we (I) resist it, without suffering, I concede that you can’t REALLY experience the best of the good without some bad. You may not even notice it. If it, the good, is always there, we just don’t appreciate it. So maybe it’s good babies come out as helpless little infants. We suffer through that time. Then we truly appreciate the gift of that first smile, the first time they actually sleep in their own bed, or through the night. You appreciate the first time they hug their sibling, apologize without being asked, sing along with you, or color a picture of “you” and present it excitedly and proudly.

So today, for me, it’s a lot of suffering (on my relative scale). I’ll tell you more about it soon.

This Thanksgiving, as it relates to motherhood, I am still “in the thick of it,” but even in these struggles, I am grateful. Maybe my list will be a bit meatier next year. Truthfully, I feel like I’m scraping the bottom of the “grateful” barrel this year. But even so, I am:

1. Grateful for the absence of any major trauma or oppression in our home and lives.
2. Grateful for the opportunity to BE a parent at all.
3. Grateful that my girls are healthy and strong and continue to get older every day.
4. Grateful to be able to provide an environment that is happy and loving.
5. Grateful that the difficult times, the suffering, make the good times even better.
6. Grateful for the opportunity to teach, guide, and grow other humans.
7. Grateful to have these gals with us to share life, to be our little companions.
8. Grateful for how I’ve been humbled by parenthood, and that my failures have become so evident, improving my character.
9. Grateful that the vacancy I had in my life before kids now feels filled.
10. Grateful that God is present in our homes and hearts and holding us tightly.

Now, after making this list, things aren’t seeming quite so rough, right?

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. May you be richly blessed, and may your suffering, in whatever form, be temporary, build character, and make the happy times, when they come, even happier.

With so much love! XO!

Honestly,

-AM ❤️❤️

More About Me: Hi! I’m Ann Marie, a blogging mama of 3 tiny gals, and a wife to a busy Orthopedic Surgeon. You can find me right here for a weekly smattering of inspiration for your motherhood journey, home, marriage (I see you other medical wives!), style, and beauty. You’ll find me most active on Instagram or Facebook for life between blog posts. And I truly can’t wait to see you there, friend. ❤️💋

To connect, shoot me an email at honestlyannmarie@gmail.com ❤️