“Trust Me, I’m a Doctor:” Finding a Good Doctor as a Skeptical Patient

Physicians are regarded as some of the most trusted members of society. And they should be. They’ve earned this trust, following years of training, sacrifice, and ultimately, the approval of hundreds, if not thousands, of faculty and staff members who have observed each doctor trainee in action during medical school, residency, and beyond.

Therefore, by the time a physician gets to you, the patient, they are solidly equipped with the skills needed to provide you with the very best in medical care.

However. HOWEVER. To the extreme disappointment of the many, many gifted and caring doctors out there, there have been…stories. Stories of those doctors who are outliers. Anomalies. You may have heard about these doctors on the news (Larry Nassar, anyone?), or from friends or acquaintances who discuss the negative experiences they had with a doctor. Or maybe, as in my case, you’ve recently listened to the captivating, but disappointing story of a horrific neurosurgeon on the True Crime podcast, Dr. Death. (PS – I’ve been super into True Crime podcasts lately – read about my favorites HERE!)

Stories such as these have made many skeptical patients feel like finding a doctor is more like trying to find a good mechanic. It can be hard to know who to trust. These concerns can lead a patient to ask many questions regarding their medical care: How can I really trust my doctor? How can I be sure they truly have my best interest in mind? How do I know I’ve found a “good” doctor?

I have the unique perspective of being married to an amazing physician. I am also a patient. I love that I get to peer behind the curtain, into the lives behind the people greeting you in clinic in the suits and heels. But on the other side, I am a patient wanting to receive the best in quality medical care. Today, I’m using that background knowledge, as well as the input from multiple doctors and patients, to help YOU find an amazing doctor like the ones I know and trust.

First, the bad news about online reviews:

Unfortunately, online reviews are not the best indicator of the quality of a physician. People are most motivated to write negative reviews about their experiences. Think about an experience at a quality restaurant. You may not write a review about the perfection of your steak, but if you were served the wrong meal and your water never got refilled, you may be inclined to warn off others, despite the possibility of your experience being an isolated event. Happy people write reviews less often. Interestingly, this information was given to me by two doctors with LITERALLY PERFECT online review status. They don’t like ‘em, and for good reason.

So, if you can’t trust the online reviews, how do you find the perfect doctor? Glad you asked. Here are some suggestions I hope will help!

Ways to Find a Doctor You Can Trust

1. Get personal recommendations from friends and family.

To find someone you can trust, first, ask around. See if anyone you know has been to the kind of doctor you need, who they saw, and what their outcomes were. Ask your friends, family, Facebook or Instagram buddies, anyone who might have had a personal experience. Once you get a recommendation, feel free to ask some follow-up questions. Ask about the doctor’s bedside manner, how they responded to the questions of the patient, if they responded to concerns with compassion. I have had great results finding outstanding doctors this way, myself.

2. Get a recommendation from a trusted doctor.

Sometimes a physician you like and trust is the best source for finding you another one. For example, we moved a 45 minute drive away from our pediatrician, and he gave us a lovely recommendation for a doctor closer to our new home. If a specialist is what you need, then your primary care physician probably actually made the recommendation themselves, or can lead you in the right direction.

3. Get a recommendation from your insurance company.

Sometimes your insurance carrier can provide you with physician options that are in network and come recommended by other members of the insurance carrier. (No matter who you choose, be sure to check with your insurance first to find out what your visit coverage will be like!)

These next two options are not always available, but are worth looking into, especially if the first options lead to dead ends.

4. Get a testimonial about the doctor from one of their patients.

Some offices have lists of patients willing to talk about their experiences with a doctor you are considering seeing. It’s a privacy violation for an office to provide this information without the patient’s consent, obviously. However, sometimes, patients have asked to be references after their experiences, or have written about their experiences, which can be read by potential new patients. Call the office to find out!

5. Go to a community seminar that the doctor is leading.

From time to time, doctors will give talks out in the community. Some specialities are more likely to do this than others. (My husband does a couple a month). But if you’re considering seeing a particular surgeon, for example, that can be a nice way to get to know them further in order to make your decision. Call the office of the doctor you are considering seeing and ask about potential opportunities such as these.

Now you’ve picked your perfect new doc! Fingers crossed! Once you’ve scheduled an appointment with your new provider, here are some factors to consider during your interactions and when making a judgement about your care:

Qualities to look for in a doctor:

• They make you feel empowered to ask questions about anything you don’t understand.

An amazing physician friend of mine, Dr. Dawn Kopp, OB/GYN, recommends that patients look for doctors that create and environment that encourages you to “speak up and ask enough questions so you can grasp what is happening and why [the doctor] is taking a certain approach.” She continued, “If your doctor isn’t someone you feel able to ask clarifying questions, keep looking.”

• They have more than one option for you.

Every person and medical situation is different, requiring personalized care. So when a doctor presents a patient with a few options, it doesn’t mean that they don’t know what to do; it means that they’re taking your own desires and preferences and lifestyle into consideration, and offering multiple solutions. Sometimes, one of the options is do nothing, or wait, and that’s okay, too. A good doc will also discuss with you the risks and benefits of each of the potential solutions.  But seeing a doctor who had only one solution to everything can be a red flag. “There are better and worse treatments, but not always just one,” according to Dr. Kopp.

• They treat you with respect.

A doctor who has respect for their patients says something about who they are as a person. To read more about the ethical qualities that make for great doctors, check out this post of mine: The Heart of a Surgeon. They make an effort to connect with you and give you the time you need to feel comfortable.

Lastly, we need to discuss some factors that sometimes may initially may a patient nervous, but I would argue, can make for an even BETTER doctor.

Don’t let these qualities/behaviors be “deal-breakers”:

• Your doctor needs to look things up.

If your doctor says, “I don’t know, I need to look that up,” it doesn’t always indicate that they don’t know what they’re doing; it can mean that they are simply trying to provide you with the most up-to-date and accurate information. (Now, if you watch them hit up Google…that may be another story…)

Dr. Kopp says that when she says that she needs to look something up, “It’s because I can only keep up with the medical information in my field, but I want to keep learning to provide the best care. I am a young doctor, but many medications are new and weren’t around when I took pharmacology in medical school 12 years ago.” It’s about providing you, the patient, with exactly what you need.

• Your doctor decides to change the direction of your care.

Sometimes, a new doctor will do something differently than the doctors you’ve worked with previously, and that is not always a bad thing. Dr. Kopp explained that this is “because we have new data and research that guides us to practice medicine in a new way.” She makes an effort to remind patients that this is a good thing. Here’s why:

Medical knowledge is changing so rapidly that doctors have a difficult time keeping up. In fact, according to THIS 2011 (I knooow it’s a little old) article by Peter Densen: Challenges and Opportunities Facing Medical Education, “It is estimated that the doubling time of medical knowledge in 1950 was 50 years; in 1980, 7 years; and in 2010, 3.5 years. In 2020 it is projected to be 0.2 years—just 73 days. Students who began medical school in the autumn of 2010 will experience approximately three doublings in knowledge by the time they complete the minimum length of training (7 years) needed to practice medicine.” So, regarding quality medical care, good doctors want to apply updated information about medicine, and sometimes that means changing things up.

• Your doctor doesn’t tell you what you want to hear.

Dr. Kopp says, “I’m not doing my job right if all my patients are happy all the time.” She explains further, saying, “I have to tell patients that they have cancer, they had a miscarriage, they need to lose weight, the surgery they think will fix everything has significant risks, they need a cesarean delivery, etc.” She goes on to say that these things can be hard to hear, but that she “…is very intentional about sharing this news in the most sensitive ways possible and in the way I think it will be best received.” However, despite these efforts, some people are still upset and blame her. No patient likes to hear these things, but hopefully patients are able to see that they doctor has their best interests in mind by sharing news that is difficult to hear.  

• Your doctor looks young.

Young does not always mean worse, less skilled, or less knowledgeable. As a patient, I recommend focusing more on all of the above factors over age. The performance and enthusiasm of a doctor depends much more on who they are than how old they are.

Finally, if you don’t find the right fit, it’s okay to keep looking.

Trust and compatibility is key. You will be sharing intimate details about your health, life, and body with a doctor, and it is important that you are a great match. If you don’t fully connect with your doctor, you will be less likely to trust their advice regarding course of treatment or procedures they may need to do or recommend. Dr. Kopp went as far as to say that “Doctors are not offended if the fit isn’t right.” So don’t worry about upsetting them. Be willing to go elsewhere if anything seems “off.” Don’t ignore your gut instinct!

With so many reasons to be skeptical these days, be reassured that nearly every single doctor is good, if not great. After all, they dedicated years and years of their lives to their training, in order to help people. (Read about the training of an Orthopedic Surgeon HERE!) They got into the field of medicine in order to care for patients. Most often, they genuinely want to improve the lives of their patients. It is my hope that the wrongdoings of a few doctors won’t ruin the reputations of all. ❤️

So get out there and find yourself a great doc that you can confidently trust!

And big, HUGE thanks to Dawn Kopp, OB/GYN in Spokane, WA for being a main contributor in today’s post! If you need an amazing OB/GYN in Spokane, go see her at Northwest OB/GYN!  She is a wonderful, caring doctor (and friend!).

All the love! XO! ❤️❤️

Honestly,

AM 🙂

More About Me: Hi! I’m Ann Marie, a blogging mama of 3 tiny gals, and a wife to a busy Orthopedic Surgeon. You can find me right here for a weekly smattering of inspiration for your motherhood journey, home, marriage (I see you other medical wives!), style, and beauty. You’ll find me most active on Instagram or Facebook for life between blog posts. And I truly can’t wait to see you there, friend. ❤️💋

To connect, shoot me an email at honestlyannmarie@gmail.com ❤️